Going beyond the "what do I need"?

As a human being we may have needs. We are conscious about few and some lie outside of our consciousness.  A lot of our time and energy is spent to fulfill those needs. It is important that we are aware of our needs, so that we can make better decisions on where/what/how we would like to spend our time and energy. One of the effective ways to identify them is through "mindfulness" and "journaling". By mindful I mean being aware of what's going on in our mind without being judgemental. And journaling involves writing down the thoughts and feelings that we are aware of during mindfulness. By looking into our journals over a period of time, we get to identify "patterns" and they may help us identify what our needs are. What I would like to focus on the rest of the text is about going beyond the "what do I need".

There are two other key areas to work upon; the "why" and "how".

Why do I have this need?

It may sound counter-intuitive to analyse on the "why", as I mentioned about being non-judgemental. It is possible to understand why we have a specific need without being judgemental; through observance and by being objective. How do we do that? We go through what we have journaled and ask few more questions. 

• What situations trigger these thoughts and feelings in me?
• Do I remember having such thoughts and feelings during childhood?
• Did it start after a specific event in my life?
• Are any specific people involved and what is my perceived relationship with them? 
• Did I come across them in movies, books, podcasts, etc?
• Does anyone close to me have similar thoughts and feelings?

By answering the above questions we will be able to identify why we have specific needs. 

How do I deal with my need?

Once we know why we have a certain need, we try to understand how we deal with our needs. The following questions would help in the process.

• How do I react/behave in response to these thoughts and feelings?
• How long do these thoughts and feelings persist?
• Which behaviors help me cope with them?
• Which behaviors aggravate them?

Benefits of going through the above process

• Prioritize our needs and channel our time and energy accordingly. 
• Identify effective ways to handle our needs and those that have a desirable effect in the long run.
• Identify behaviors that are detrimental in the long run. 
• Determine when we have to stop/reduce investing our time and energy towards something.